It’s been a hard couple of weeks emotionally. It is funny how even if you don’t know someone well, if they live nearby and pass away it does have an affect on you. I am feeling better today, I think because I get to drive to Wenatchee (3 hours away) by myself tomorrow to see about some of the discount grocery stores like Cash and Carry and Grocery Outlet. It will be a nice reprieve.
Anyways, a couple of weeks ago when the doctor put the ultrasound device up to my belly, he went right for looking for the gender. I could not see the famous 3 lines that are for a girl at all so I was hopeful that it was a boy. He shared in a couple of moments that now he was 100% sure that it was a boy. I was so happy! He said, “See, here is the turtle that we look for.” He pointed and I had to ask just to be sure that the penis is the head of the turtle and the scrotum the shell. You can see by my explicit picture here at the end of the pencil that we have a turtle. I thought it was a cute way about describing what a boy part looks like. I had never heard that before in all my 10 children and 28 years of being pregnant. : )
So now I get to think about Benjamin when he kicks me. I have a person to the baby now. : )
I have a story to share… Back when I was probably 6-8 weeks along, Matthew shared to me in the living room that he liked the name Benjamin. It just resignated in my spirit so deep. I loved the name dearly. It so happened that I had to go to town for a few items about 15 minutes later. On my drive there, I kept tearing up with an indescribable emotion at the name Benjamin. I just felt such an attachment to the name and felt that if it was a boy that he was really supposed to be named Benjamin. I felt the Lord was very close to me and I had trouble holding back the tears all the way home. Now I am in such joy. I know God has a reason for Benjamin to be born and to be born into our family. I am so looking forward to holding him as a newborn and seeing who he will be when he grows up.
I am on a forum in which most of the women have given their child bearing years to the Lord. One woman is pregnant with #18. Some have only two children. Anyways, oftentimes I saw that a family named a new boy Benjamin and he happened to be the last child they had. They would mention how it made sense later on as Benjamin was the last child of Jacob’s and one of names of the 12 tribes. I always said I wouldn’t want to name our son Benjamin as I wanted to keep having children, but I believe this is from the Lord. The Lord knows the place He put in my heart that day about the name Benjamin. It is a very deep thing to me. So, if Benjamin is the last, praise be to God. If God gives another, praise be to God.
Now we only have about 16 weeks left until the c-section. I am getting excited. My belly is getting in my way when I roll over in bed or do the dishes or have to pick up something off of the floor. He is big. He’s awake in the morning kicking around and every evening. I already made a nursing dress and will be washing some of little Matthew’s old baby clothes soon. We’ll wait until maybe June to set up the crib again… the crib we just put away after 8 years in practice. We are just so excited to see Benjamin. It overwhelms me with tears that we can have one more and that we can have another boy.